Along with the joy of getting crows' feet and being referred to as "ma'am," here's another cheerful reminder about getting old: the ten-year high school reunion. Hard to believe it's been ten years since I walked across the stage to get my diploma. My how time flies. My how I don't want to go to the reunion.

It seems like just yesterday I was listening to "1999" by Prince with my high school friends, dreaming of the future and what we'd be like in the year 2000. We thought we'd be married to our high school boyfriends, expecting our third or fourth child, teaching English classes at the university or designing our own line of clothing.

Funny how none of that happened. Granted, I'm glad I didn't marry my high school boyfriend. But I'm a little disillusioned with the fact I'm about to go to my reunion almost 30, unwed and kid-less.

Over the years, we've heard rumors about who got married, who had kids, who got divorced and/or remarried. That's why I have a gut feeling I'll be one of the few that's still single. I can see it now. It will be like one of those high-school-reunions-gone-bad-scenarios: I'll be next to the punch bowl and the chippy cheerleader will come bouncing over to me, all hugs and smiles, differences somehow forgotten. She'll talk about herself and crack a snide grin when I tell her I'm still single. Then she'll whip out her ensemble of wallet-sized photos of her darling husband and three adorable little children: Timmy, Tammie, and Tommy. And in between being disgusted and trying to act like I really do care, I'll reach behind my back, twist off the cap of my Bacardi flask and spike the punch.

Okay, I'm bitter. But why should I subject myself to misery? And how in the hell do you broach a conversation with someone you've neither seen nor talked to since high school?

ME: (with fake enthusiasm) "It's great to see you too. So...what have you been up to the past ten years? Fill me in!"

CLASSMATE: "Well, let's see. Back in '90 I went to college, then I was a teacher from '94 to '96, that's when I met Jim. We got married in '98..."

Maybe we should bring resumes so we won't forget to include every last chronological detail of our lives.

After coming up with every possible excuse not to attend my reunion, my best friend--who happens to be on the planning committee, has trapped me. She said if I don't go, she won't be friends with me anymore. You'd think after ten years we'd be past those silly ultimatums, but since we're not, I'm going for the sole reason of supporting her.

Unfortunately, there's no backing out. The ticket's been purchased. The hotel's been booked. I even bought a dress for the semi-formal gala. I figure I might as well look good while I'm miserable.

Maybe it won't be as bad as I think. Maybe it'll be great to get reacquainted with my classmates. That I haven't seen in ten years. That are all married. That are expecting their third or fourth child.

Oh yeah, it'll be really great.

Copyright © 2000 Jenni Simpson All Rights Reserved

Jenni is a single writer in Seattle. She's attending her much-anticipated reunion this weekend.

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