During the Ides of March, or perhaps on April Fool’s Day, 1999, there was a lot of hanky panky

going on in this world of ours. In the race to conceive the first millennium baby, couplings reached an all time high. Birthing the first offspring of the new millennium was the goal of many a parent. By connecting to this auspicious moment in time, moms and dads perceived a way of differentiating their new fold from all us ordinary folk (those of us who had the misfortune of being born in the 20th century; the last progeny of the 2nd millennium vs. the first pioneers of the 3rd).

Forget the fact that American parents will lose their 1999 tax credit, these turn-of- the century mommas and papas have their eyes on the future. A definite distinction will emerge between those that reach planet Earth on December 31, 1999 at 11:59PM and those that wail their first tune at 12:00:01AM, 2000.

And so they will come, credited with an achievement that was virtually none of their doing, but packing them with enough leverage to make them smug about their new-found existence. In fact, if anyone was to be credited, kudos should be given to the parents who will coincide a timely push with the tick of the clock on the wall. With one swift jolt, from uterus to first gaping breath, these unsuspecting neophytes will make their dramatic entrance and forever shift attention away from the baby boomers; the last major population trend-setters. Even the McCaugheys’ septuplets will take a back seat to this newly sprung crowd.

And in anticipation of their arrival, stories are already circulating about their VIP status. Of recent date, a cartoon has been developed called kidd millennium™ (www.y-two-k.com/cartoons.htm), which takes the title character from conception through pregnancy and then delivery in real time scheduled for (what else) January 1, 2000. In Beijing, rumors abound that the WHO (World Health Organization) will give preferential treatment to babies born at the crack of midnight, in the Year 2000. Consequently nubile Beijing women are planning a millennium baby in every pot! A subsequent report finds WHO searching for the culprits WHO started that erroneous buzz. Radio stations and newspapers have conducted contests for those who have conceived on the target date of April 9th and sweepstakes are in place for those that deliver, online and on time January 1, 2000, 12:00:01AM (www.y-two-k.com/millenniummoms.ht).

Parents with a sense of drama will look for ways to underscore these births. On December 31 some will be checking into suites at the Millenium Hilton (a hotel that doesn’t even know how to spell ‘millennium’). Others will visit the newly named island of Millennium (claim to fame: island closest to the International Date Line and the best vantage point to view the first dawn). By the way, this parcel of land is uninhabited, allowing for not only the birth of a millennium baby, but the first Island baby ever (somebody ought to consider maternity wards with padded cells for this last group). Or if they really wanted to mark the occasion, one could theoretically celebrate a millennium birth three times on a transatlantic Concorde flight: once in London, once in mid-air and once in NYC.

A recent forecast noted by Jerry Adler, correspondent for Newsweek, estimated 3.9 million American children (now that’s a lot of Pampers) to be born in the year 2000 (give-or-take a few thousand, after some are dropped on their heads as a result of the y2k bug shutting down our electricity). And since the life expectancy is doubling from the last turn of the century, some 70,000 are expected to live to 2100. So, not only are we going to have to deal with their egocentricity and narcissistic tendencies (my god), they’re going to be under foot for a long time.

On the blessed event’s eve, you can be assured that you will not miss one second of this media coverage. Camera crews from all major networks will be swamping maternity wards positioned with stop-watches waiting for these little sons-of-guns to commence their pompous procession into our everyday lives.

Parents will be divided into two camps as to what to call these little creatures. Millennium-atics will most likely gravitate toward Biblical names like Isaiah or Jeremiah, whereas, the other end of the spectrum will be selecting futuristic monikers like Skywalker and Leia (euphemistically called a MAP in the US, i.e. a Millennium American Princess).

Their college education will be the most expensive ever. Harvard is estimated to rise to more than $320,000 in tuition by graduation year 2022. And by that time, designer babies will be the order of the day. Yes, our millennium babies will be of the age to procreate on their own - and what better way to bring new life into the world than to code your own gene pool. Like the selection of a new pair of blue jeans (no pun intended), our narcissistic millennium innovators will be deciding on specific personality traits for their little ones. Instead of “one pill will make you happy, this pill will make you small”, think about a gene for risk-taking, one for patience and another for guilt. That’s right, Mom’s will be Moms! After all, in their maternal need to “push all our buttons”, all the modern millennium Moms will have to do is ‘install’ them!

Yes, Millennium Babies will bear special focus for years to come. Their conceit will grow in proportion to their media attention, their every move will be documented, their psyches analyzed, their scandals exposed, their music favored, their politics voted on…hey, wait a minute didn’t we all go through this once before. Yes, but fellow Boomers, we are much older and wiser now, and ready to step out of that Big Brother spotlight. It’s been a long row to hoe and an arduous task always being the center of attention. It’s time to pass that gauntlet along to the new kids on the block …and see how they like it!

Copyright © 1999 Ron Callari

Ron Callari is a publisher, editor, marketing professional, freelance writer, humorist and self-proclaimed futurist who maintains an office overlooking the Hudson River, the Big Apple and the Statue of Liberty. When he isn’t daydreaming about palm trees and hammocks, he spends the bulk of his time writing articles pertaining to opinion, business, the Internet, philosophical treatises, trends, travel and humor. His online published credits include articles in Career Magazine, Eclectica magazine, travelbase.com, lodging.com, iAgora, WebCentral, and FolksOnline. His printed work includes articles in the Star Ledger, The World and I, B&B, the Journal for Innkeepers, Yesterday/Today in New Jersey and New Jersey Living.

Ron is currently the publisher and editor of his own online webzine, entitled: y-two-k.com, which features articles pertaining to Y2K and the changes in our lifestyles as we approach the millennium. Ron also partners with Steve Smallwood to produce the comic strip kidd millennium, spotlighting the life and times of a narcissistic rugrat who is a self-proclaimed spokes-kid for the next generation. While the title character has been conceived and scheduled for a January 1, 2000, he is currently heard but not seen, speaking from his mother’s womb, and the strip can be viewed on several websites, online. Print syndication is pending.

He has been interviewed by print and electronic media, nationwide and appeared on network television (CBS This Morning Show) in a 1991 feature detailing the growing popularity of B&Bs for business travel. In 1999, he was interviewed by Fox TV-WVUE in New Orleans highlighting the recent debut of kidd millennium (a streaming video clip can be viewed on www.y-two-k.com/cartoons.htm). This 15 minutes of fame amounted to a couple free lunches and one autograph seeker (thanks Mom).

Y-two-K.com A journal for the millennium migrant www.y-two-k.com