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I
woke up this morning, my eyelids screaming at me as I forced them
open upon hearing the sound of my horrendously loud alarm clock.
There was an urgent plea bouncing around in my head: Why bother
getting up today? If I sleep through the day, will anyone notice?
Will anyone care?
I decide
not. No one will miss me. No one will care.
One
day becomes two weeks. Two weeks become a month, three months, a
year. Oh God. One year of asking myself "Why bother?" and one year
of not bothering.
First
year University. I expected to crash a little bit, but I didn't
expect to burn. That's what happens when you forget what life is
about. If you don't keep focused, you may forget how to breathe.
"But it's natural," you say. Breathing, that is. No, it isn't to
everyone. Some of us have to think about it, have to remind our
body to breathe in and out.
Breathe
in. Breathe out.
DEPRESSION:
Why bother? That's what it says. It yells at you on street corners.
"You're not good enough. You're not smart enough. You're not anything
enough." Why bother?
It took
six years of preparation and one year to fall. I jumped. I jumped
off the proverbial cliff, and no one caught me. I fell hard, simply
because when I asked myself, "Why bother?" I didn't know. So I didn't.
I didn't bother, and I almost died.
Today,
if you ask me, "What's the point? What's the use? Why bother?" do
you know what I'll say?
I'll
say, "Because."
Because
life is worth living, even when you'd rather be dead. Because every
breath you take, every move you make is a gift. Because you should
never take anything for granted. Because even the little things
matter. Because you are who you are, and if you don't do it, you'll
regret it sooner or later.
That's
why.
Copyright
© 2000 Kimberley May Maurice. All Rights Reserved
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