Like it or not, people say "no" more than they say “yes." But when I started out on my own in business I got paralyzed by the first few dozen "no's" that I heard. Rejection is tough on even the most self-confident person. Like a hammer, each "no" sunk me lower into a funk. My idea was good, was it? But would so many people say "no" if it had potential?

What made it even worse was that I'm a writer and my business idea was based on my own writing, so every "no" sounded even louder and had far reaching repercussions. Was the writing itself bad or just the business idea bad? And if the writing wasn't good and if I couldn't get this idea off the ground, I'd have to give up writing full time and take a 9 to 5 job back in the corporate world. "Oh no!"

I began having dreams where every participant spoke a stilted version of the English language. No matter what the question, the answer was "no." I imagined a character in a children's book named "Princess No-No." I saw the letters "n" and "o" inside of other words: like soprano, dinosaur, piano, and stenographer.

Sometimes I would whisper "yes" out loud to myself just to make sure the word still existed.

I was telling a friend, who is a professional fundraiser, about my dilemma. She laughed and told me that in her business the "no's" are a good thing. "For each "no" you are getting closer to a "yes," she said. She even had a mathematical equation she'd worked out from ten years of experience. She had to get 15 "no's" to get a "yes." And since she was asking for contributions for a worthwhile charity, her no-to-yes ratio would be lower than mine would. Because I was looking for a big investor I could count on a 100-to-one no-to-yes ratio.

So I started to tally the "no's." In June I got 31; in July, 25. (I was starting to get excited, 56 no's down, only 44 to go!) And in August, I got 12 "no's" and then, one wonderful, resonant, "yes."

A funny thing happened to me in those three months. I went from dreading and hating the "no's" to understanding something about them. They represented hard work and determination on my part. I was proud of those "no's." Plus, in order to find the right partner for my business the "no's" were important. They weeded out the people I really didn't want to work with anyway. Only someone who truly loved my idea and saw its potential, only the person who said "yes" was the right person.

So if you are searching for participation in a project, looking for a partner or for financing, expect to hear a lot of "no's." Will you ever become immune to them? Well… No.

But can you get to a point where you can deal with them? Yes, you betcha!

Copyright © 1999 by M.J. Rose

M.J. Rose is the author of Lip Service, PocketBooks Sept 1999. Lip Service is also available as a Featured Alternate Selection of the Literary Guild and Doubleday Book Club - Aug/Sept (www.readLipService.com) MJ Rose is the author.