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Crazy?
What is crazy anyway?
I'm
not sure where the root is. I've spent the past 20 minutes trying
to figure that out so I would have a starting point for this article;
so I could work you through my journey in a linear fashion; so I
could show you how this mayhem in my head began. Oh well, let's
go backward and start from the end, the now... shall we?
I'm
crazy. Or so I would hope. Yes, I am mad! I've spent the past four
years of my life trying to be anything but normal; however, recently
I realized that only one in three people are normal in the first
place.* Think about that for a minute. Chances are good that I'm
not normal. Or, depending on how you look at my recent revelation,
perhaps in my trying to be un-normal I've become normal. Ugh!
While
not sure as to why I have this desire and what caused the following
theory, they are the bases of the journey. That is, that normality
is one step away from immorality, complacency, ignorance and amorality.
So see, now normality is a sin even. I certainly cannot be "normal,"
lest I sin before the Almighty. But if you aren't normal then what
are you? What does the paper-society deem the least normal amongst
us? Well, whatever your answer, you are wrong! They would deem them
"crazy." So, if I desire to be anything but normal then I must really
want to be crazy. Voilà! The journey began.
What
makes this journey, this goal, interesting is that while wanting
to be crazy I didn't want to be labeled a rebel. I did not want
any label other than "crazy," for that matter. Reason being that
labels like rebel, anarchist, hippie, etc., might also hint to immorality,
ignorance or one of the others in the entourage I'm trying to reject.
No, I need to be crazy in the purest of the puristic sense.
Somewhere
in this journey I stopped believing in the conspiracy theories my
parents taught me. Instead I would find a middle ground. In this
example I wound up believing that the government was just run by
normal people. This idea of finding middle ground became commonplace
with me. I went searching for absolute truth and in the end I found
that for the most part it is defined by and for the individual.
The racist may hate you or me but perhaps he does this because his
culture taught him to. So I don't hate him, I just disagree with
what he believes. The same holds true for religion. Perhaps you
believe in God because this was what you learned growing up or because
you had a spiritual experience or because you found some sense or
a connection. Or perhaps you don't even believe in God because there
isn't an ounce of proof or because you haven't seen the so-called
miracles portrayed in the Bible (or whatever book be the guide).
So, perhaps I can't blame you.
What
I am getting at is that somewhere, halfway between Delaware, Israel
and the Internet, I realized that everything had a reason and reasonable
explanation that I probably just didn't understand. So what is there
that's crazy anymore? Perhaps I'll go take lessons from the tenants
in a nearby psychiatric ward. They're still considered crazy, aren't
they? Hmm…
*Uh,
perhaps it's one in three people who are "crazy" and not "normal"
like I declared before? And, if this be true then society would
deem the least normal among us normal, no? Forget it. The fact is
that three out of three people are confused. But I'm not confused,
no sir. And, dammit, I'm going to finish building this tower to
heaven. Who wants to join me?
Copyright
© 2000 Nathan Fain. All Rights Reserved.
Nathan
Fain (nathan@fains.com)
somehow landed himself somewhere in Israel and lives complacently
with the title of "freak" while still aspiring for something a
bit more repulsive.
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