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The
other night I went with some friends to a pretty bad
party. Nothing new there, eh? We stood in a corner
in what we dubbed the unofficial kitchen, since the
party was outside and we weren't able to gather in
the normal kitchen, the haven for the terminally unhip
or socially impaired. But shortly before we left,
one stranger decided our small group should become
part of the social vortex that spun around us. He
came over and introduced himself as "Jude." Eschewing
the obvious Lennon-McCartney joke, we proceeded to
introduce ourselves as Roger, Tom, and Pete. We chatted
him up for a few minutes, mentioned our origins in
Kansas and Canada and our reason for being in Ohio,
and eventually he left.
Problem
is, our names really were Keith, Pat, and Chip,
respectively, and all of us had lived most of our
lives in Ohio.
When
it comes to information, we rely on two primary
sources: what we observe and what we are told. I've
been told that Mount Saint Helens erupted 19 years
ago, but I didn't see it. Yet I believe it. I've
been told that Shakespeare wrote King Lear, but
I didn't watch him do it. Yet I believe it. I've
been told that smoking causes cancer, but I haven't
done the studies myself. Yet I believe it. One of
the most fundamental assumptions we make is that
what we are told is generally true. This is most
apparent when dealing with facts about other people.
I'm
living a few hours away from most of my closest
friends now -- one of the perils of getting a "real"
job. So at the end of the day, I usually call someone
back in Athens to find out how the past few days
have been there and to fill people in on my life.
I haven't been there to observe directly what I'm
told, or vice versa. Yet I always believe what the
other person is telling me.
Let's
step away from the concrete examples of real life
for a moment to theorize about something. We take
it for granted that what we perceive of others is
based largely on how they present themselves, both
in conversation and in action. The reverse of that
is also true; namely, that what others perceive
of us is based largely on how we present ourselves,
both in conversation and in action. So if we present
a false front that appears to be true (is not inherently
contradictory and remains plausible), our identity
shifts in the minds of all who encounter us under
this false persona.
This
new persona grants a certain amount of freedom as
it lacks accountability. When I'm Pete, I don't
care what others think of me. It's not really me
that someone dislikes, likes, is repulsed by, or
is attracted to. It's fiction. If I take an online
pseudonym, I can stir things up without worrying
about damaging my own reputation. By not being me,
I can permit myself to do the things I've always
wanted to do.
Try
it sometime. Work up a separate persona. Figure
out who he is, what he's done in the past, where
he comes from, where he's going. Make him as complete
as possible. Then try him on somewhere. Go into
a coffee shop and talk to people. Go to a bar and
share a drink. Go to a rave and dance with someone.
But do it as someone else. Give yourself the freedom
to act in ways that the structures and restrictions
set up around your everyday life do not permit.
Then apply it to your own "real" life.
Copyright
© Chip Grimshaw 2000 All Rights Reserved
Chip
Grimshaw is taking a break from being a perpetual
student in order to be a technical guru at a high
school in Toledo, Ohio.
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