http://www.spark-online.com
GOOD BREEDING NOW AVAILABLE ONLINE
By George Sranko
Watch out! If you hear your 16-year-old son ask, "Mom, do we need any eggs?" he could be talking about model eggs!
What are model eggs? Model eggs, for your info, are human eggs that come from models. Now this is when we begin to see the beauty of the Internet and the potential for online shopping. Finally, a practical application (coming from LA, of curse (currect spelling). Just imagine, you can go on the Internet right now and place your bid on eggs from eight beautiful women. The bids start at only $15,000 and can go as high as $150,000. Apparently someone has already bid $42,000.
This scheme, if true – rumours abound about its being merely another porn site – is the brainchild of a fellow who is both a fashion photographer and Arabian horse breeder. Hey, you've gotta admit he's doing better than most of us in combining his interests. Why take pictures of beautiful women and breed horses? There has to be a better combo here somewhere! I can just see the wheels turning... "ping! got it!" This guy just happens to have a different take on what you get when you take "beautiful women + breeding = ?" For most of us the answer is x-rated, for this guy it's an online auction.
Apparently all you see when you visit the Web site is glamorous photos of the women. You also learn that the models are in excellent health. Nothing about intelligence, education or medical history. Hey, for $15 grand what do you expect? You get a pretty nice-looking egg, I bet. And chances are you might get a pretty good-looking kid, as well. But no guarantees. You can't return these eggs if they turn out rotten kids!
At least if the eggs came already fertilized I figure there's a good chance you'd get a pretty smart kid who's interested in photography and Arabian horses and has a knack for turning a quick profit on the Internet.
Personally, I'd need to see better stats before plunking down this kind of dough. 36-18-34 sounds pretty good, until you realize we're talking "belt size - IQ - number of ex-husbands." Who's to say how smart these eggs are? First there were the dumb blonde jokes, now we're going to get bombarded with dumb-blonde-egg jokes!
Not long ago most of us didn't know humans even had eggs. Then we went through all the horrible test-tube baby years with eggs on TV every night just at supper time until the last thing we ever wanted to hear about was another human egg. Now, we're shopping for human eggs on the Internet. Next thing, they'll be down there beside the cheese in the dairy section at your local grocery store.
Like all of these things, there's a lot of hype about this whole thing right now. So, I advise you to just wait a bit and let it die down. The cost of model eggs is guaranteed to come down to where they're a lot more affordable. Won't you feel dumb if you spend $40,000 today, only to realize a couple of years from now that you could have gotten a perfectly beautiful egg for less than ten grand if only you had waited? And, maybe by then the eggs will come with some kind of guarantees. Beauty is one thing. But what I want to know is, whatever happened to Einstein's eggs?
Next week's lesson will be about bullfighter sperm.
Copyright © George Sranko 2000 All Rights Reserved
George Sranko is the author of a financial book (McGraw Hill) and his writing has been seen in several Canadian magazines and newspapers. He’s currently writing a second non-fiction book taking the reader on a shakedown cruise into deep cosmic waters (hey, who put that Black Hole in my Big Picture?!). He has a syndicated column on www.iSyndicate.com