http://www.spark-online.com
BunkAssClients.com
By Eric Bort
Evil Client: I found the address to your web page on the megsinet web design page, so you do web pages I’m guessing. I need a web page, give me an estimate ASAP.
Me: I would be glad to help you out. But first I’ll need a few more specifics about what type of business you are in, what type of web page you are looking for, and around how many pages you would like to have. Something to give me a general idea so I can estimate the cost of such a page.
Evil Client: Well, we sell those machines that roll pennies into flat little souvenirs of the statue of liberty, and… uhh, we sell condoms, too. We are thinking we will need from 2 to 14 pages, and definitely an e-commerce section to sell our wares. What do you think? By the way, we would appreciate it if you could add some cool animated neat things to go along with the page.
Me: Ok, so you’ll need around 7 pages average to sell your penny machines and sexual objects, with some… neat animations. Plus the inclusion of an e-commerce section, custom graphics, flash animations, some 3-d work, countless hours of arguing and suffering, no sight of a paycheck, you constantly calling me, bickering that the site isn’t up yet (when you won’t provide any body copy whatsoever), then in the end, complaining that my services aren’t worth the money your not paying me. The total will be around $1,500.
Evil Client: I had something more in the mind of $300 dollars. Why don’t you get started, meanwhile, I’ll only respond to your emails once every 2 months complaining about things that are my fault, oh and, I don’t have any money.
Have you ever run into this sort of phenomena? This rare client type who runs your life, popping his head into your life and interrupting your day to day business with the legit clients? For some reason it seems to happen quite often to me. Could it be because I forgot to use contracts the first couple years of my web design career? You betcha.
Never underestimate the power of someone’s signature on a piece of paper. Nothing is more fun than proving to a client that they signed a legally binding contract, which makes the payments due, and if they don’t pay, they will have to pay for my lawyer in court when I sue for the over-due charges.
I never really understand the types of people that contact me about business. They usually have the last clue in the world to what the whole web design thing is about. They usually believe themselves to have a degree in color theory and multimedia direction, giving them the right to control the placement of every pixel. Think about it people, you don’t tell the K-mart carpet cleaning guy how to hold his vacuum. I went to college, I got the degree, you saw my portfolio, you liked what you saw and supposedly you are hiring me for my competence and knowledge of the field. I’ve got a job to do and it ain’t gonna happen with you breathing down my neck.
People don’t understand what the problem is most of the time. They pay you, they expect you to do exactly what they want, then, in the middle of the project, they add their own “design sense” into the mix. A potential client of theirs remarks how the new web page doesn’t fit together, your client blames you for the problem, then they send the “we’re sorry we couldn’t work together with you” letter with no explanation (and no pay), thus is the life of a freelance web designer.
There are so many pages out there helping web designers to understand the types of clients and hassles to expect in the real world. I think it’s about time someone made a page for the clients, so they could brush up on where not to butt in.
True creativity should have no restraints.
Copyright © 2000 Eric Bort
Eric Bort runs his own freelance web design firm out of Columbus Ohio. He’s been doing graphic design for the past 5 years, and has been designing interactive interfaces for the Web for 2 years. He loves music, and enjoys playing guitar, drums. He even does a little electronic music composing here and there. Check out his website at: www.megsinet.com/ebort.