You turn on
the machine™ You have a desire™ You want some
heart is beating.
are alive but alone. in front of the screen.
send an e-mail to express your subjectivity. but
it makes no sense. it gets you depressed. you need
your medicine but you don't want to take it. you
don't want to be an addict. you want to break free.
you want to free yourself from the society, the
commodity society, the trouble of consumption. you
are running with strangers in the wrong direction.
blackness of the future. the whiteness of the past.
the gray scale of the moment.
paint. you write. you think. you speak. you want
to tell everybody about the ghost train. it's just
one knows where it's heading. into the mist of the
urban future ? you are longing for some company.
you want to meet somebody. you want to share some
feelings and thoughts with somebody. you want to
share your life with somebody. you want some coincidence
in your life.
seems so predictable.
school to high school to university to office from
eight till four. you want to leave the country.
but you are not sure about the idea of finding peace
somewhere else on the planet. you take your medicine.
you want to leave the planet. you want to be a part
of nature, the universe, just not of commodity culture.
want to extend your living space. you have been
living in this tiny flat for years. you want to
meet a girl so she can arrange the things for you.
you go out into the streets to search for some company.
but the streets are empty. it's raining. it's the
gray scale of the moment. you start to cry. you
fall into the mire. you stand up. you feel dizzy.
it's must be your medicine. the good doctor told
you to take a lot so you pop viagra™ so you at least
can feel something. you go into a porn shop. you
want to get excited. you want to feel some desire.
but you feel disgust. you feel the hate, the confusion,
the bitterness, the empty transcendence. your heart
is beating. you are alive but alone. in front of
the take-away. you look into the eyes of a girl.
brown. green, blue, red, vamp, substitute mother,
sensuality, feelings, desires, tenderness rush in
your blood. you say : "Beauty before age". the medicine
rush in your blood. maybe that's why you suddenly
feel that you want something. you want to cry out
and so you do : "I don't want to cry out but I want
to calm down". the girl then looks nervous. you
scare her away. she runs. you run after her. you
are chasing the girl in your life. she runs into
the alley. the police comes. they arrest you. now
you sit in the back of the car and talk about modern
women. the police tells you to shut up. you are
not allowed to express your subjectivity. you have
to behave yourself. you have to be silent.
you scream. you are getting a classic nose bleed.
your sight gets hazy. you are feeling the blackness.
you pass out. oh - it's a nightmare. you wake up
wet. you are in a cell. you think about the beautiful
girl that you accidentally scared away and the words
you uttered as you were opening the door for her
to the take-away. now you are on your own, in a
prison. you fall asleep. you wake up a couple of
hours later. you are released but you are not relieved.
you feel worse. you take a bus home. it's getting
late. it's getting dark. the winter is coming. you
think about x-girlfriends and wonder : "What are
they doing ? Where are they going ? Their hearts
must be beating. They must be alive. They must have
calmed down". you start to think about loneliness.
at least you always got the company of yourself.
you have to change the direction of your thoughts.
maybe that would change the direction of the train,
the bus, the commodity society. but you are not
sure. so you smile. you look around in the bus.
strangers but people. your brothers and sisters.
your world family. you want to join them. you want
to move into a big big house with them. you want
to paint, write, think and speak with them. you
get off the bus. the rain has stopped. you go up
the stairs. you lock yourself into your flat. you
don't feel at home here. you light up a cigarette.
you stand in the kitchen and think for a bit. you
want to move on. you want to arrange some kind of
workshop as soon as possible. you want to gather
some friends and strangers and spend some time with
them. you want to see if you can create something
else. you want to know if it's possible to be different.
you want to know if it's allright to paint, write,
think and speak like you do. you want to see somebody's
expression to what you do. you want to react to
what they are doing. you want to quit your medicine.
you want to stop everything and start all over.
you want to fill up the world with coincidence,
company and creativity. you just want to manifest
your subjectivity. your heart is beating. you are
alive ! you are living and you are breathing and
seeing and thinking and speaking and you are writing
and you are writing and you are actually writing
that you are writing....
you want to write about the Y2K and it's causes
and effects on a variety of global discourses and
humanities…but somehow you can't get any closer
that what keeps you alive ?
up, it's time to die"™.
up, it's death to time"".
ørsted nielsen 1998-1999
old session of keyboard tapping, freshly remixed
4 *spark-online 4.0 [Y2K edition] Jacob
Nielsen is a Danish DJ and Poet.