yo-yo television high concepts >> by viki reed >> *spark-online issue seventeen

As every audience demographic moves to the top of the exploitation list, the pickings get slimmer and slimmer. The buzz around Tinseltown, I predict, will be all Yo-Yos 24-7. Will we see a YYTV? It's up to you, and your favorite networks.

Comedy Central Presents: "Yo-Yo Man", starring the Smothers Brothers, accompanied by Yo-Yo Ma, famed classical musician in a yo-yo tribute to chamber music and deadpan faces!!!" This fall on HBO.

Walkin' the Snoop Doggy Dogg: MTV's weekly half-hour about the exciting world of Extreme Yo-Yo Sport and its Rap ties.

America's Funniest Videos: Yo-Yo This! An entire hour of funny home videos that feature men getting whacked in the nuts, babies in the forehead and old ladies in the back of the head with out of control yo-yo's.

Yo-Yos Caught On Tape-VI! Fox TV pushes the reality TV envelope as former TV cop David Carusol rides shotgun on this fast-paced hour of Yo-Yo collisions, Yo-Yo chases, Yo-Yo accidents, Yo-Yo tricks, and Yo-Yo crimes--all caught on video.

This Old Yo-Yo, With Bob Vila: The famous home-restoration emcee, Bob Vila, hosts a new offering on the Home and Gardens Television Channel, which follows Yo-Yo masters, as they rebuild and wow you with old yo-yo's.

Antique and Yo-Yo: A traveling television appraisal fair of Yo-Yos bought for a song, found in people's attics or deceased people's shoe boxes, and yo-yos that have been kept in families for generations.

Yo-R: NBC enters a new hour-long, filmed drama to the line-up: The lives and complications of technicians at a yo-yo factory-cum-yo-yo-emergency repair shop are revealed through the care they give their yo-yos.

YoSomething: Ken Olin returns to his role as Michael Steadman, proving himself to be unconvincing as anything other than Michael Steadman.

Yo-Yo: The Musical: Debbie Allen revives her role as a spunky dance teacher who saves inner city youth from a life of crime by producing a Yo-Yo Talent Competition. All dance numbers and yo-yo tricks are choreographed by Allen, with original music by Babyface, (who makes a cameo appearance as a Yo-Yo Master who's pulled himself out of the ghetto).

Lifetime Television's Yo-Yo Made For Television Movies presents... (Television for victims. As long as you tell a story from the woman's point of view, it will be shown on Lifetime. Just add yo-yo.)

Coming this fall--only on Lifetime Television: Television for Victims...

"The Yo-Yo Kid": Jean Smart stars in this modern day twist on the classic story of "Annie", told through the eyes of an autistic boy obsessed with yo-yos.

"Yo-Yo Man": Kevin Dobson stars in this original Lifetime Channel Movie Presentation about a small time thief on probation who ''yo-yos” between his new girlfriend (Mel Harris), his bum father (Robert Conrad) and a life of crime.

"Cat's In The Cradle": Cheryl Ladd stars as a woman on the edge of her sanity since her husband, (Tim Matheson) disappeared in a flood...

"Yo-Yo Soup": Mary Tyler Moore and Carol Burnett co-star as two bitter divorcees that have to start a muffin company in order to keep their houses and their lives from yo-yo-ing all over the place.

"Yo-Yo": Jimmy Smits plays a hardened social worker who can possibly find hope in a Bronx youth who's battle cry is "Yo-YO!”

"The Golden Yo-Yo": Christine Lahti plays a woman who's much younger husband seems too good to be true.

"Granddaddy's Super Yo-Yo Trick": Jason Robards plays a crotchety old man who has to adopt his spunky granddaughter when her parents die in a car crash.

"Yo": Adrian Zmed and Lisa Liou play half-American and half-Chinese half brother and sister who are introduced when their father's will is read.

"NBC NewsYo": Another entree into the nightly investigative magazine show, NBC and MSNBC both broadcast this undercover reporting show about: Yo-Yo tricks and scams; quality control in Yo-Yos; Yo-Yo sweatshops; silicone Yo-Yos; criminal Yo-Yocide cold cases; and groundbreaking medical yo-yo issues. Many of NewsYo's anchors have won the Edward R. Murrow Award For Excellence in Journalism.

"The Real Yo": Six yo-yos, picked to live in a box. There is no actual intelligent life forms or resulting behaviors, though two yo-yos lined up do resemble tits if you have enough to drink.

"Celebrity Yo-Yos": E! Entertainment expands its vanity production schedule with a daily half hour featuring Yo-Yos owned by today's hottest celebs, in their own homes! Its debut issue includes stars of huge, but long off the air sitcom stars, anonymous soap opera millionaires, and primetime drama co-stars who don't ring any bells in your head.

"Up and Down With Yo-Yos on BET": A weekly all African American entertainment magazine talk show with the focus on conversation that has the cadence of a yo-yo bobbing. The last Friday of every month includes a Funniest Yo-Yo contest.

"Yo Quazar Yo Two Thousand (2K)": The Sci Fi Channel imports a British space station action adventure show with the sturm and drang of a techno "Rumpole of the Bailey".

Viki Reed likes television.