betting on the muse? >> by elton sharpe >> *spark-online issue fifteen

Humans, in general, define their existence through tension and agony. As tired a cliché as it is, how can one define happiness if one has no misery to compare it to? Even Beavis and Butthead knew that. So, as a writer, I endeavour to find my inspiration in this misery.

Just recently on a trip back home, I began to get rid of all the tension that made my move to Vancouver so idyllic in the first place. I thought it would be the best thing to do: put the past behind me, so to speak. But when I returned from this trip, I found myself without even the slightest bit of inspiration. Even my girl, my crush at the coffee shop no longer served a potent enough reason to write. So one has to ask, what do you do when you have nothing to write about?

Bukowski wrote poems about this. “[It's] better to write about not writing then not writing at all” he used to say. But what Buk was talking about is writers' block, the lack of ability to say anything about a particular subject. What's bothering me is the lack of a subject, the lack of wanting to write about anything at all. I have the ability to say what needs to be said, it's just that I have nothing really to say it about. The reason: without any tension, no conflict, I find myself relying on old inspirations, grown old and tired.

Even the world is starting to yawn a little; old conflicts are getting stale to a population thirsty for late breaking news. When television airtime is filled with the likes of Who wants to Be a Millionaire or Buffy: The Vampire Slayer and passed off as intelligent viewing, one has to wonder: has the world simply lost it's inspiration? The problem more likely lies somewhere a little shallower than that.

An entire generation of television executives grew up never knowing war. Not Gulf War, CNN play by play nonsense, I mean real war. That was a conflict, and it was something that an entire nation could identify with, no matter what side of the fence you sat on. Shows that developed that kind of conflict were hugely successful and poignant. MASH, for example, played for years after the Korean War it was set during had concluded. Television now could never universally connect with people the way that show did then. The reason is because the executives now are forced to deal with watered down, remade versions and accounts of ideas that have grown weak through over analysis and reworking.

And don't get me started on Hollywood.

Thomas More, in his book Utopia said that total perfection was something he wished for, but not hoped for. I think what he was trying to say was that while the thought of World Peace was nice to think about, it should never and can never be achieved to textbook standards. One can use the thought of it to make changes that will benefit all of mankind, but attempting to make all the changes necessary for a utopian world would drive a man, or a world, to the brink. It's good on paper, but practical application hits a major obstacle: human nature (which is a lot like Communism, I suppose).

Which brings up this problem again.

With a complete absence of any sort of tension, I'm left with no inspiration except the lack of it. As I sit here, completely dead to my world, I am forced to find new ways to motivate my writing and my decisions. But you can only look out the same window so many times before you start to see the same thing.

Hey, maybe that's what Fight Club was talking about. Instead of walking through individually wrapped, ultra-convenienced lives, try taking a fall, a chance. And start talking about the way back up.

Elton Sharpe: Currently lives with three cats.